A Woman and Her (Other) Man
I find this piece very intriguing. For the sole reason that it reminded me of a few girlfriends. Similar but not quite.
Yes, I do have a few married girlfriends who confided they have had another man at one point in their life, with one of them still on it. I would understand if some would raise eyebrows and say I am tolerating my friends’ illicit endeavors. Hear the story of Lara* first.
Lara* has a very promising career in a field dominated by men. She is married to Marco*, and they have a yound child. He is very responsible, sweet & intelligent, he himself has a thriving career and loves his family so much. She came to me one night to divulge one well kept secret—that she is seeing another man. I was surprised because, all along I thought everything was going smoothly in her married life. To a certain extent, it IS going smoothly. Thus, she doesn’t know how and why her affair started. She started seeing Luis* early this year and they hit it off, but they have been colleagues for a little less thaan 10 years now. Luis, by the way, is a separated man.
I prefer not to unveil more details because of the risks. The night she revealed herself to me marked the beginning of a very intimate friendship. Over time, in our talks, we were able to identify the crux of her situation. She has become more open and more in touch with her feelings, at certain times crying before me when situations go bad, or when she realizes how she has been undeserving of her husband Marco’s love. One thing she is sure of: while she knew she loves Luis more than Marco (you read that right), she could not afford to leave him and their child just to be with Luis. Right now, they are still together, Lara with husband Marco, and Lara with the other man, Luis, but their relationship was not as intense as before.
I learned that the last thing that you could offer another woman with the same predicament is this: prejudice. The hard part is that it is easier said than done. Women like Lara do not exactly need an advice; my contention is that, mature as they are, they know what to do and when to do it. The best I did for them was to accept and understand them, playing the devil’s advocate when needed.
Yes, I do have a few married girlfriends who confided they have had another man at one point in their life, with one of them still on it. I would understand if some would raise eyebrows and say I am tolerating my friends’ illicit endeavors. Hear the story of Lara* first.
Lara* has a very promising career in a field dominated by men. She is married to Marco*, and they have a yound child. He is very responsible, sweet & intelligent, he himself has a thriving career and loves his family so much. She came to me one night to divulge one well kept secret—that she is seeing another man. I was surprised because, all along I thought everything was going smoothly in her married life. To a certain extent, it IS going smoothly. Thus, she doesn’t know how and why her affair started. She started seeing Luis* early this year and they hit it off, but they have been colleagues for a little less thaan 10 years now. Luis, by the way, is a separated man.
I prefer not to unveil more details because of the risks. The night she revealed herself to me marked the beginning of a very intimate friendship. Over time, in our talks, we were able to identify the crux of her situation. She has become more open and more in touch with her feelings, at certain times crying before me when situations go bad, or when she realizes how she has been undeserving of her husband Marco’s love. One thing she is sure of: while she knew she loves Luis more than Marco (you read that right), she could not afford to leave him and their child just to be with Luis. Right now, they are still together, Lara with husband Marco, and Lara with the other man, Luis, but their relationship was not as intense as before.
I learned that the last thing that you could offer another woman with the same predicament is this: prejudice. The hard part is that it is easier said than done. Women like Lara do not exactly need an advice; my contention is that, mature as they are, they know what to do and when to do it. The best I did for them was to accept and understand them, playing the devil’s advocate when needed.
* not their real names
~ oOo ~
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ~Henny Youngman
posted by ~ flor ~ at
9:32 PM
1 Comments:
She's lucky to have you as a friend then. But I do hope she will choose soon lest it be the kid to find out about the affair.
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